Tea and Stones

It is a beautiful sunny day, very warm but not really hot. I have developed a certain tolerance for the heat since living here (without central h & a). In fact, being in the air at the restaurant, I get uncomfortably cold, and I move at a clip when I'm there.
I had a migraine starting when I went to bed last night. I took two Excedrin Migraine with 8 oz of cool water and laid down in bed. The bedroom was dark, cool, and quiet. Buddha sleeps in the medium kennel next to my bed (Free generally sleeps there) because his large kennel, where he spends the day, is on the back porch. He loves the sunshine, and there is a sheet of 1/2" pressboard over half of his kennel to allow him shade when he wants it. That is what the spot on top of an Iguana's head does (senses temperature), as well as sensing shadows. In the wild they are prey. If he starts getting hot, he will move to the shade. In the summer, exposed to regular doses of sunlight, he becomes a rich and vibrant shade of green. His appetite increases substantially as well. Boy can put on some weight in the summer time. =)

I woke up at 0730 and it was still there. I don't have any Axert, and my prescription on record at the pharmacy has expired. Dr. Bockhorst, who is no longer with Baileyton Medical and has moved to a Johnson City teaching group, insists that I be seen by him before he will renew the prescription. There was a time that really pissed me off because I thought that migraines, were a fact of my life. I no longer believe that, and cannot accurately recall the last time I had one. So I had to believe that with another dose of Excedrin Migraine it would resolve and I could go about my day. At the last minute I decided to take a Goody Powder instead. I think it is a crushed equivilent of two aspirin, but I don't know that for sure. What I do know is that it works. I still have some tenderness on the left side, but that will pass.

During all of that I was standing at the kitchen sink looking out the window at the beautiful day, and realized all of a sudden that there was no noise. My heart picked up pace, my breathing became more rapid and shallow, and terror lurked at the fringes of my consciousness. I was going into a panic attack. It didn't occur to me that I could simply touch the power button on the radio just inches from where my hand rested on the counter, or even more simply...I could just speak out loud. I felt dizzy and nausea as terror began to close over me. I deliberately timed my breathing to a count of ten...in...and out...several times, then said out loud...I don't want a panic attack. I can hear everything. Then the horse in the pasture across the road neighed loudly at a dog running down the road toward the chapel.

I think the rupture of the abscess upset the balance of my neurotransmitters and how they have been firing from that point til now. I also think that balance is being restored as I heal. When animals are injured, they do not use the injured area of their body. They rest it, even at the risk of starvation. When they heal, normal activity is resumed. Instinct motivates some animals (dogs, and others) to roll in the dirt to stop bleeding, or in the mud when an infection is present. As the mud dries it draws the infection out. Understanding that, on some level, allows me to understand that I am still healing and maybe the migraine and the anxiety attack (both having not occurred for a significantly long period of time) were a signal that maybe I am pushing a bit too hard right now.

I am so happy and grateful that I do not experience the pain of migraines with the frequency of the past, and that I was able to sidestep that anxiety attack. That is one of the challenges of living alone. I am loving the new place very much. I promised pictures, I will take some when it cools off a little bit. In the meantime I am contemplating some dinner. =)

After while...